hearing voices
Everyday we are hearing different sets of voices. 1 from our parents nagging at us, 1 from our co-workers grumbling about others, another 1 from the commutes on the way back home and the list goes on...
Jen is a normal 30+ lady. Small build, big eyes, smooth skin, fairly dark and she even has 2 dimples when she smile. Jen hears voices, voices that belittle her and cause her to be angry. These voices go on and on, day and night it never stop. Jen had tried many means, yoga, mediation and even sleeping pills but these voices just won't let her be. Evenutally Jen had to give up all that she had to escape from these disturbing voices. She tried drugs, these drugs brought her short-liven slient and peace but when the effect of these drugs end the voices come back louder each time. The voices mock her, telling her that she isn't pretty enough, she is stupid and useless. Soon Jen's money ran dry, her parents had long disowned her, being alone with nobody to turn to Jen whored herself and when the business was bad she would have to suffer in slient. "these voices are so fustrating! they keep on nagging in my head all day long! they never stop! never stop!" Jen screamed and her housemates called the police. Jen was brought in to the hospital. After the medication, Jen relaxs and slept soundly for the 1st time in years.
In her dreams, Jen travelled through time and saw herself as a young toddler. Her parents were calling out to her encouraging her to move forward towards them. "on come Jen, you can do it! 1 more step just 1 more step" Mom and Dad looked so loving and with their arms stretched out waiting to catch her if she ever fall. Jen felt safe, she is home. Somehow the background changed and Jen saw herself crying on the foot of the staircase of somewhere familiar but she can't figure out where. In the background her mom was screaming at her dad. "if you ever bring that kid back, i will kill myself before you! you had done such a terrible thing outside behind my back and i had forgave you. now you want to bring her kid back for me to raise? you must be crazy! i warn you don't you ever dare to bring that bastard into this house!" A lound slam on the door and all was quiet.
Jen wanted very much to wake up from the dream but her tired body simply did not relented. Still in the dream Jen travelled into her teenage years. She saw her best friend Kok. He was in the florist and Jen was helping him to pick up flowers for his mom. Kok bought a basket of pink and blue caranation and single stalk of sunflower. Jen wondered why Kok had bought 2 sets of flowers but she kept quiet. Kok smiled at Jen and they left the florist and entered a hospital ward. Kok's mom was lying in bed, her hair was all gone and her body was so weak that every breath she took seems to be so straining. Kok gave his mom the flowers and whispered "happy mother day, i love you mom, i always do." Smiling at Jen, Kok whispered even softer this time into his mom's ear "i had brought my girlfriend to see you today, mom. she is Jen. i am going to tell it to her today. mom give me the strenght and courage to bare my heart to her. mom, you will always be number 1 in my heart and Jen my number 2. do you like her?" Kok's mom looked in the direction of Jen and smiled.
Leaving the hospital, Kok handed that stalk of sunflower to Jen. "Jen, i am ready are you ready?" Kok asked. Staring into Kok's eyes Jen smiled and teased, "huh? what ready? ready to puck out the sunflower seed to eat huh?" Kok's face was blushing by now. Somehow Kok seemed to had lost his ability to talk, he muttered "i like you. i want to love you too. will you be my girlfriend?"
Even though Jen was sleeping in the hospital's bed, tears was streaming down her cheeks. The nurses on duty saw that and approached Jen. They shook Jen softly, calling out her name. Jen opened her eyes and made a little noise but drifted back into slumber soon after.
This time Jen had entered into another phase of her growing years. Jen saw herself wearing a power suit and screaming into the phone "i said tomorrow! which part of tomorrow didn't you understand? if you can't deliever it by then, you can start packing your belonging from this very moment. understand? 10am, tomorrow!" A guy walked into the room and Jen winked. "hey there, you are early today. aren't you afraid that your wife will come in and check on you?" The guy walked over to Jen and planted a kiss on her cheek and replied "she in the mid-air flying her way to India. are you free now? we got to go out for a customer visit in 5 minutes. see you in the carpark." The guy turned made his way out. Jen reached for her mobile phone and speed-dial the number 6. As Jen picked up her handbag and pushed her glass-door open the phone had connected her to the person on the other side of the line "Kok darling, i am so busy today with a whole line of meetings to attend suddenly. i won't be able to meet you for lunch today. i am so sorry. maybe we can have dinner together tonight?... alright, so i will see you at 7pm? love you too. bye"
Flashes of Jen past zoomed before her eyes then it stop still at 1 incident. Jen was sitting next to Kok before them was a bald old man. He eyes fixed on 2 sets of paper, "Jen and Kok, i had known the both of you for years. you 2 are almost the most perfect couple i had ever knew. are you sure this is the end?" Kok snatched the paper laid before him on the table and signed on a couple of the papers. Jen broke down crying and eventually she did the same. "Mr Jin, can you let us speak in private for awhile?" Kok asked. Mr Jin, the bald old man stood up and moved out of the room, shutting the door behind him.
Kok: "Jen, i had promised to love and care for you forever and i will. it is for this love that i must let you be free to decide for yourself. if he ever hurt you, i will always be a friend for you no matter where you will be."
Jen: (in between sob) "thank you. i am so sorry to hurt you so bad. you deserve better, you really do."
Suddenly Jen's mind just went blank. For awhile Jen was fantically looking for new images to cloud her mind but the more she search for it the more tired she was. Slowly bit by bit Jen entered into deep sleep with nothing to preoccupy her thoughts and senses. For now this is all she needs, a good rest. The future can wait, its too far fetch for Jen now anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
yesterday is history,
tomorrow is a mystery
and today a present for you and me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*all typo and grammer pardoned*
dedicated for all that had missed the narrow road and opted for the board road to destruction. it is never too late to turn back.
Jen is a normal 30+ lady. Small build, big eyes, smooth skin, fairly dark and she even has 2 dimples when she smile. Jen hears voices, voices that belittle her and cause her to be angry. These voices go on and on, day and night it never stop. Jen had tried many means, yoga, mediation and even sleeping pills but these voices just won't let her be. Evenutally Jen had to give up all that she had to escape from these disturbing voices. She tried drugs, these drugs brought her short-liven slient and peace but when the effect of these drugs end the voices come back louder each time. The voices mock her, telling her that she isn't pretty enough, she is stupid and useless. Soon Jen's money ran dry, her parents had long disowned her, being alone with nobody to turn to Jen whored herself and when the business was bad she would have to suffer in slient. "these voices are so fustrating! they keep on nagging in my head all day long! they never stop! never stop!" Jen screamed and her housemates called the police. Jen was brought in to the hospital. After the medication, Jen relaxs and slept soundly for the 1st time in years.
In her dreams, Jen travelled through time and saw herself as a young toddler. Her parents were calling out to her encouraging her to move forward towards them. "on come Jen, you can do it! 1 more step just 1 more step" Mom and Dad looked so loving and with their arms stretched out waiting to catch her if she ever fall. Jen felt safe, she is home. Somehow the background changed and Jen saw herself crying on the foot of the staircase of somewhere familiar but she can't figure out where. In the background her mom was screaming at her dad. "if you ever bring that kid back, i will kill myself before you! you had done such a terrible thing outside behind my back and i had forgave you. now you want to bring her kid back for me to raise? you must be crazy! i warn you don't you ever dare to bring that bastard into this house!" A lound slam on the door and all was quiet.
Jen wanted very much to wake up from the dream but her tired body simply did not relented. Still in the dream Jen travelled into her teenage years. She saw her best friend Kok. He was in the florist and Jen was helping him to pick up flowers for his mom. Kok bought a basket of pink and blue caranation and single stalk of sunflower. Jen wondered why Kok had bought 2 sets of flowers but she kept quiet. Kok smiled at Jen and they left the florist and entered a hospital ward. Kok's mom was lying in bed, her hair was all gone and her body was so weak that every breath she took seems to be so straining. Kok gave his mom the flowers and whispered "happy mother day, i love you mom, i always do." Smiling at Jen, Kok whispered even softer this time into his mom's ear "i had brought my girlfriend to see you today, mom. she is Jen. i am going to tell it to her today. mom give me the strenght and courage to bare my heart to her. mom, you will always be number 1 in my heart and Jen my number 2. do you like her?" Kok's mom looked in the direction of Jen and smiled.
Leaving the hospital, Kok handed that stalk of sunflower to Jen. "Jen, i am ready are you ready?" Kok asked. Staring into Kok's eyes Jen smiled and teased, "huh? what ready? ready to puck out the sunflower seed to eat huh?" Kok's face was blushing by now. Somehow Kok seemed to had lost his ability to talk, he muttered "i like you. i want to love you too. will you be my girlfriend?"
Even though Jen was sleeping in the hospital's bed, tears was streaming down her cheeks. The nurses on duty saw that and approached Jen. They shook Jen softly, calling out her name. Jen opened her eyes and made a little noise but drifted back into slumber soon after.
This time Jen had entered into another phase of her growing years. Jen saw herself wearing a power suit and screaming into the phone "i said tomorrow! which part of tomorrow didn't you understand? if you can't deliever it by then, you can start packing your belonging from this very moment. understand? 10am, tomorrow!" A guy walked into the room and Jen winked. "hey there, you are early today. aren't you afraid that your wife will come in and check on you?" The guy walked over to Jen and planted a kiss on her cheek and replied "she in the mid-air flying her way to India. are you free now? we got to go out for a customer visit in 5 minutes. see you in the carpark." The guy turned made his way out. Jen reached for her mobile phone and speed-dial the number 6. As Jen picked up her handbag and pushed her glass-door open the phone had connected her to the person on the other side of the line "Kok darling, i am so busy today with a whole line of meetings to attend suddenly. i won't be able to meet you for lunch today. i am so sorry. maybe we can have dinner together tonight?... alright, so i will see you at 7pm? love you too. bye"
Flashes of Jen past zoomed before her eyes then it stop still at 1 incident. Jen was sitting next to Kok before them was a bald old man. He eyes fixed on 2 sets of paper, "Jen and Kok, i had known the both of you for years. you 2 are almost the most perfect couple i had ever knew. are you sure this is the end?" Kok snatched the paper laid before him on the table and signed on a couple of the papers. Jen broke down crying and eventually she did the same. "Mr Jin, can you let us speak in private for awhile?" Kok asked. Mr Jin, the bald old man stood up and moved out of the room, shutting the door behind him.
Kok: "Jen, i had promised to love and care for you forever and i will. it is for this love that i must let you be free to decide for yourself. if he ever hurt you, i will always be a friend for you no matter where you will be."
Jen: (in between sob) "thank you. i am so sorry to hurt you so bad. you deserve better, you really do."
Suddenly Jen's mind just went blank. For awhile Jen was fantically looking for new images to cloud her mind but the more she search for it the more tired she was. Slowly bit by bit Jen entered into deep sleep with nothing to preoccupy her thoughts and senses. For now this is all she needs, a good rest. The future can wait, its too far fetch for Jen now anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
yesterday is history,
tomorrow is a mystery
and today a present for you and me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*all typo and grammer pardoned*
dedicated for all that had missed the narrow road and opted for the board road to destruction. it is never too late to turn back.
posted by estlxlan at
6:45 pm
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