retribution?

Leon was a man of few words. He grew up in a dysfunctional family. His father ran away with another woman when he was 5, leaving his mother to fend for herself and 6 other children. Leon's mother took on several jobs to feed the ever hungry mouths. Eventually she too had enough and took off with another man. Leon and his siblings were left to rot in their rented flat. Days turned into weeks and months. The kind landlady took Leon in to live with her as she was childless, Leon's 6 other siblings were cared for by the government-run homes. The last time Leon saw all of this siblings was at the age of 7 when his foster mother, the kind landlady, took him to see them during a Chinese New Year party. Leon's eldest brother was already 19 and had plans to escape from the hell he was in by working in a factory. While his youngest sister was only 5, she was crying and had no idea why nobody was carrying her. If there was anything Leon had learnt from the party was that there is nobody in the world to help you, you must fight for yourself and never let anyone stop you from your goal. In the years to come Leon grew up a tough cookie and an over achiever.

Leon never understood love. His foster mother had never really loved him. She fed and clothed him, a shelter was provided over his head and education was given. But having never gotten married and been through childbirth she had no idea why children can be such a pain in the neck. 1 incident had it that when Leon was 8, he saw his classmates bring lunchboxes to school. He saw the lovely rice-cakes that their mothers had prepared for them while Leon was only given a packet of peanuts for his break. Upon returning home, he pestered his foster mother to prepare him a box of rice-cake for break tomorrow. Instead the next day he saw only a packet of steamed chick-peas. Leon cried but his foster mother delievered a tight slap on his cheek saying "stop that crying! i had given you something at least! do you think i am so free to prepare food for you? peanuts and chick-peas are good for you. see mummy loves it too! (popping a couple of the peas into her mouth) now shut up and get moving to school." Since then Leon learnt never to ask for anything from his foster mother, anything that she likes Leon learnt to like it too even though he might hate it to the core.

Leon completed his form 8 and was the top of this class. His teachers were all proud of him and being the smart child he credited all his sucess to his foster mother. She was on cloud 9 and even bought her relatives and friends to dinner to celebrate Leon's results. The entire night she was boasting on how well she had brought Leon up and how she had successfully mothered a child without having been married or giving birth. Leon put on his 100 watt smile and nodded, occassionally gulping down big mouthful of beer. Maybe the beer had the ability to help him escape from all the noise and acting.

Leon got himself landed in a job in the local bank, from a low profile bank teller he quickly progress into having an office to himself. All this while he was still dutifully living with his foster mother whom he had called 'auntie' all these while. Although he had never embraced 'auntie' as his mother, he never had the desire to reunite with any of his nature family members.

In 1970s, Leon's foster mother was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. Not soon after that she passed away, leaving all that she had to Leon. During the time of her hospitalisation Leon had always been by her side, it was his way of repaying all his 'debt' back to this woman who had fed and housed him for the past years. Nurse Hana was the sister in the ward and she had made it a point to talk to grieving patient's relatives. That was how she gotten to know Leon.

Nurse Hana spent a lot of time with Leon as she felt that Leon's calmness in dealing with his auntie's condition was too abnormal. She thought Leon had not yet come to acceptance to his auntie's illness and was in denial. Afraid that Leon may purge into something serious when his auntie pass away, Nurse Hana would try to counsel Leon whenever she sees him in the ward. Leon always politely decline Nurse Hana's offer to talk.

3 days after auntie's funeral, Leon brought a basket of fruits back to the ward where his auntie stayed and offer it to the nurses. He thanks them for the help for the past 2 months and requested to talk to Nurse Hana. "hi Nurse Hana thanks for the time when you tried to talk to me. i am fine then and i will be fine now. i have always been curious though on 1 thing. are you attached?" Leon delievered his speech fluently and confidently. With a girlish giggle, Nurse Hana replied "i am single and very available. why are you asking me that? are you trying to matchmake me with your brother or friends?" Leon smiled and told her "i will be waiting for you at the exit of the hospital at 9pm that is when your shift ends right? see you." Leon turned around and left. All the nurses who were around had overheard it and they teased Hana endlessly.

After 2 years of dating Hana and Leon got married. Turned out Hana was an orphan and she had no recollection of her birth parents. All of her living memories was of her growing up in the hospital, following a French nun wherever she goes. After the nun left Singapore for France in 1968, Hana lived in the hospital hostel and had no dealing with the world outside the hospital til Leon came into her life.

Hana and Leon lived a very standard married couple life. They had dinner together everyday and whenever they had time together they would go for a movie. They never quarrel and always give in to each other when there is disagreement. Their life was not passionate but peaceful and smooth sailing. When Hana and Leon was expecting this 1st baby, Hana decided to resign from her nursing job and concentrate to be Leon's lovely wife. Secretly she had always wanted to spend more time with her baby, since she was an orphan she wanted her baby to grow up in a loving environment. 6 month into her pregancy, Hana had spent literally every day shopping for her newborn's clothes, toys and furnitures. Leon being in the management had often came home late and drunk. Hana was not bothered by it cause she had her baby to company her.

Suddenly 1 day a woman came knocking on the door of Hana and Leon's apartment. The old lady looked worned out for her age and was rather weak. Hana looked at the old lady who had just introduced herself as Ivy. Ivy said that she is looking for her long lost children and was given the address by some of her old neighbours, one of it was old man Mutha. Mutha had worked in the same hospital as Hana since as long as Hana was there. Mutha had always doted on Hana and had told Hana that he knew her birth parents well but Hana had never thought much of it. Afterall Hana was well-loved by everyone around her and her dear French Nun 'mummy'. "old man Mutha? how is he? i had not seen him for such a long time, since he left the hospital to live with his son. why don't you come in and take a sit?" Hana offered.

Ivy walked into the apartment and looked around, nodding she said "i am so glad that you are all grown up and married. you are expecting a baby aren't you? Hana dear, are you happy?" Hana poured out a cup of tea from her old fashion vaccum-flask and smiled "yes, i am very happy. but mdm how can you proof that you are my birth mother? i have no recollection of my birth mother's looks at all." Ivy pulled out an worned out piece of photo and pointed at the toddle. "that's you, my dear. you were the youngest of my 7 children. but your dad left me for another woman. i was too weak to care for all of you so i have no choice and left too. i am so sorry. i don't seek for your forgiveness but i just want to see all my babies before i die. i want all of you to be happy." Ivy sobbed in between her speech. Staring at the photo, Hana recongised herself from some of her earlier photos that her French Nun 'mummy' had taken for her. Hana was speechless.

Just at the every moment, Leon opened the door and walked in. "hi dear, i'm home. the meeting was terrible..." Leon turned his back after he had locked the door and sitting right before him was a face that he had grown so familiar yet so distant to. "dear, this mdm is called Ivy. she had lost 7 of her children and now she is here to look for..." Hana tried to introduce but was cut short by Leon shouting "get out of this place you bitch! if all you had ever wanted was to follow your personal pursuit of fun and riches, you should had never given birth to us all! you had destory all our lives. lives that you had brought to the world and never cared for! leave now before i call the police! even if you were to die in the streets so be it! Ivy Jin Ah Moi, you are a demon, now return to the hell you came from! don't you ever step into my house ever ever again!"

Ivy was sobbing uncontrollable, stood up and move slowly towards the door. Repeatly she held up her fist and slam it against her chest saying "retribution, retribution" Hana stood speechless as she watched Leon stormed into the room, banging the door as it closes. The old photo laid still on the table as if mocking the family and the drama that had just taken place.


That evening Hana and Leon had a quiet dinner and sat in the living room doing their own stuff, listening to the radio. The topic that the presenters were discussing was on mental retarded children. As the discussion progresses, Hana suddenly bursted into tears. Leon being the gentleman placed his arm around his wife "sorry about just now. i am just too..." Leon was lost for words. Then Hana pointed to the photo that was still laying on the coffee table and said "i was in the photo too." Leon's world seems to crash down in the very instant. The couple sat there in the sofa, crying.

Days had past and Hana and Leon had not openly talked about Ivy and their baby. Then 1 day over a Sunday breakfast, Hana brought up the issue. "dear, i don't want our baby to be a mentally retard. baby borned to siblings or 1st cousins have higher chance of being a mentally retard. i don't care who is my parents or yours but this baby is mine, no...its ours. i want it to be well, to be healthy." Leon nodded. He held Hana hands and replied in his gentleness "no matter what happen to this baby, he is ours. i will work hard and make sure he will never lack. don't worry too much its going to be very soon til he comes along. if you worry too much the baby will be scare to come to the world. be happy. you have me and i will never leave you regardless of anything. trust me."

Magically the baby had help pulled the Leon and Hana closer. They were inseparentable, they spent all their waking time together, whenever possible. Hana would prepare lunch and deliever it to Leon's office and they would eat together and Hana would then rest in his office til knock off time. Leon will then take Hana on a evening stroll before heading home where Leon will prepare dinner.

The big day arrived Hana delievered a baby boy, he was 9 pound and was very chubby. His cries was loud and strong. Hana never cease worrying and kept asking the doctor if the boy was normal. The doctor not knowing the background assured Hana everything was fine and walked out of the labour room.

Several years later... "Craig, look at you! You have ice-cream all over your face." laughed Leon as he wipes his toddler's face with a face towel. Hana walked into the dinning room with Joan in her arms. "Leon darling, your Joan is so naughty. She had vomitted milk over me again for the 3rd time today! argh..." Putting Joan into her walker, Hana and Leon sat down on the sofa and watch their 2 precious little one chasing one and other. Although Craig turned out to be a normal and well-formed child, Hana and Leon took no chances and adopted a baby instead. Having been through the ups and downs, Hana and Leon treasured each other more and value the true meaning of having a family life.

As for Ivy, she seems to had disappeared into the thin air. Maybe she felt that she had done enough damage into 2 of her babies and she doesn't have enough courage to seek out the rest of her other 5.

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God is fair in all His giving.
If you felt short-changed,
had you stop to take stock
and see if there are areas
where you had been granted
His grace and mercy?
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morale of the story? never forsake ur own children and if you ever get married check each other's background!

hearing voices

Everyday we are hearing different sets of voices. 1 from our parents nagging at us, 1 from our co-workers grumbling about others, another 1 from the commutes on the way back home and the list goes on...

Jen is a normal 30+ lady. Small build, big eyes, smooth skin, fairly dark and she even has 2 dimples when she smile. Jen hears voices, voices that belittle her and cause her to be angry. These voices go on and on, day and night it never stop. Jen had tried many means, yoga, mediation and even sleeping pills but these voices just won't let her be. Evenutally Jen had to give up all that she had to escape from these disturbing voices. She tried drugs, these drugs brought her short-liven slient and peace but when the effect of these drugs end the voices come back louder each time. The voices mock her, telling her that she isn't pretty enough, she is stupid and useless. Soon Jen's money ran dry, her parents had long disowned her, being alone with nobody to turn to Jen whored herself and when the business was bad she would have to suffer in slient. "these voices are so fustrating! they keep on nagging in my head all day long! they never stop! never stop!" Jen screamed and her housemates called the police. Jen was brought in to the hospital. After the medication, Jen relaxs and slept soundly for the 1st time in years.

In her dreams, Jen travelled through time and saw herself as a young toddler. Her parents were calling out to her encouraging her to move forward towards them. "on come Jen, you can do it! 1 more step just 1 more step" Mom and Dad looked so loving and with their arms stretched out waiting to catch her if she ever fall. Jen felt safe, she is home. Somehow the background changed and Jen saw herself crying on the foot of the staircase of somewhere familiar but she can't figure out where. In the background her mom was screaming at her dad. "if you ever bring that kid back, i will kill myself before you! you had done such a terrible thing outside behind my back and i had forgave you. now you want to bring her kid back for me to raise? you must be crazy! i warn you don't you ever dare to bring that bastard into this house!" A lound slam on the door and all was quiet.

Jen wanted very much to wake up from the dream but her tired body simply did not relented. Still in the dream Jen travelled into her teenage years. She saw her best friend Kok. He was in the florist and Jen was helping him to pick up flowers for his mom. Kok bought a basket of pink and blue caranation and single stalk of sunflower. Jen wondered why Kok had bought 2 sets of flowers but she kept quiet. Kok smiled at Jen and they left the florist and entered a hospital ward. Kok's mom was lying in bed, her hair was all gone and her body was so weak that every breath she took seems to be so straining. Kok gave his mom the flowers and whispered "happy mother day, i love you mom, i always do." Smiling at Jen, Kok whispered even softer this time into his mom's ear "i had brought my girlfriend to see you today, mom. she is Jen. i am going to tell it to her today. mom give me the strenght and courage to bare my heart to her. mom, you will always be number 1 in my heart and Jen my number 2. do you like her?" Kok's mom looked in the direction of Jen and smiled.

Leaving the hospital, Kok handed that stalk of sunflower to Jen. "Jen, i am ready are you ready?" Kok asked. Staring into Kok's eyes Jen smiled and teased, "huh? what ready? ready to puck out the sunflower seed to eat huh?" Kok's face was blushing by now. Somehow Kok seemed to had lost his ability to talk, he muttered "i like you. i want to love you too. will you be my girlfriend?"

Even though Jen was sleeping in the hospital's bed, tears was streaming down her cheeks. The nurses on duty saw that and approached Jen. They shook Jen softly, calling out her name. Jen opened her eyes and made a little noise but drifted back into slumber soon after.

This time Jen had entered into another phase of her growing years. Jen saw herself wearing a power suit and screaming into the phone "i said tomorrow! which part of tomorrow didn't you understand? if you can't deliever it by then, you can start packing your belonging from this very moment. understand? 10am, tomorrow!" A guy walked into the room and Jen winked. "hey there, you are early today. aren't you afraid that your wife will come in and check on you?" The guy walked over to Jen and planted a kiss on her cheek and replied "she in the mid-air flying her way to India. are you free now? we got to go out for a customer visit in 5 minutes. see you in the carpark." The guy turned made his way out. Jen reached for her mobile phone and speed-dial the number 6. As Jen picked up her handbag and pushed her glass-door open the phone had connected her to the person on the other side of the line "Kok darling, i am so busy today with a whole line of meetings to attend suddenly. i won't be able to meet you for lunch today. i am so sorry. maybe we can have dinner together tonight?... alright, so i will see you at 7pm? love you too. bye"


Flashes of Jen past zoomed before her eyes then it stop still at 1 incident. Jen was sitting next to Kok before them was a bald old man. He eyes fixed on 2 sets of paper, "Jen and Kok, i had known the both of you for years. you 2 are almost the most perfect couple i had ever knew. are you sure this is the end?" Kok snatched the paper laid before him on the table and signed on a couple of the papers. Jen broke down crying and eventually she did the same. "Mr Jin, can you let us speak in private for awhile?" Kok asked. Mr Jin, the bald old man stood up and moved out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

Kok: "Jen, i had promised to love and care for you forever and i will. it is for this love that i must let you be free to decide for yourself. if he ever hurt you, i will always be a friend for you no matter where you will be."

Jen: (in between sob) "thank you. i am so sorry to hurt you so bad. you deserve better, you really do."

Suddenly Jen's mind just went blank. For awhile Jen was fantically looking for new images to cloud her mind but the more she search for it the more tired she was. Slowly bit by bit Jen entered into deep sleep with nothing to preoccupy her thoughts and senses. For now this is all she needs, a good rest. The future can wait, its too far fetch for Jen now anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
yesterday is history,
tomorrow is a mystery
and today a present for you and me.
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*all typo and grammer pardoned*

dedicated for all that had missed the narrow road and opted for the board road to destruction. it is never too late to turn back.

a woman without her man

Yee is someone that i had known for years. she was very pretty in her younger days. not just pretty, she was sociable, quick-witted and pick up new things very fast. she was the most sort after lady in her work place.

back in the 1970s when lots of malaysian flock to singapore in search for a better life and better pay, she stepped into singapore. bearing hopes of the future. she did, she worked as a semstress and had a large pool of friends that work, play and laugh with her. she had plently of boys queuing to date her and always receiving gifts of all sort. eventually she fall in love with a guy called Chong. Chong was not the powerful nor rich type but he was so much like Yee. Sociable, quick-witted and very fast.

Chong and Yee decided to get married. Yee knew that Chong was not very rich but was not expecting that he was so reckless with his money. So when they got married Chong had to borrow from his sisters, brothers and parents for it. They even had to prawn gold chains and other stuff to pay off the bill. Their wedding was very grand but a simple chinese procedure of dinner and entertaining. Years into their marriage they had 3 lovely kids which were all different in their personality but all had their parents' sociable and quick-wits.

Chong had now became a business man and selling stuff. In his prime time, he even owned a factory with a few workers under him. The world would praise him for his hardwork and great achievement but the evil of the world "gamble" befriended him. He sank into senseless gambling. Betting on almost everything that is available. Regular Genting's trips were nothing for him, he would sometime win big but most of the time lost it all. Slowly he lost his car, his factory and eventually his family was fleeing from loansharks. Forsaking their house, the family ran to other states of the federal and lived there.

The children transfered to another school, missing their old friends. They were warned not to make contact with their old friends to prevent the loanshark from getting wind of where the family was. Yee, who had enjoyed living in the big house, having the finer things in life had now reduced back to where she had started from. Still she was hopeful that 1 day things will be better as she pin her hopes on her children and the days to come, afterall both Chong and her are fast and quick-wits.

Working for Chong was something that he was totally not used to. Words had gone round the industry of his debts and his running away. This had made it very hard for him to gain empolyment and even he eventually did, he felt that he was not honored as he should rightfully be. Working was torture but a must for him, as he had to fend for his family. Yee, the ever caring and lovely woman decided that she had to return but to the working force as well. Not wanting to be away from her children nor neglect the household chores, she found a semstress job. She would receive the orders from the factory and then sew in her house, every month or so the facotry will drop by to delievery more orders and pick up her work; paying her accordingly.

For a moment the family had it smooth. Evenutally Chong's bad habits caught up with him. Maybe it was a maladaptive coping behavior or something, Chong began to gamble again. Slowly the money that he brought home gotten lesser and eventually it stopped. Yee had totally gotten dishearten by this man and living with him was more or a bearing and putting up with him. She always said to her closer friends "at least he don't beats me", bearing in mind that she wants a complete family for her children to grow up in. Yee worked harder and with her ability she did bring home enough money for the entire household.

One day Chong suddenly disappeared. His passport was gone, he had took along with him almost everything that was his and some of Yee valuables. Yee was not sad nor shock, she knew it will evenutally happen. She was in a sense relief. Finally Chong will not be around to ransack her drawers looking for gold chains and cash to pay of his debts, he will not be stressing on the family with his personal problems. Yee, slowly picked up the pieces and explained to her children that their father was gone. Running away from some loanshark it seems. However the nightmare did not end there, loansharks had finally track the family down and was harrassing them day and night. Yee was sick and tired of all that had happened but for her children sake she reminded herself that she must pull through these all. Her children must have a brighter future than this.

Yee remembered her mother but home and she moved in with her maiden family. Yee's mother was not all that well-off either but they did have a safe lodging and extra rooms. Through the years Yee lived with her mother and siblings and provided for her children well. She ran her own foodstall, cooking and washing dishes. Her children grow up in the foodstall, helpping her and doing their homework. They were the most street-smart children in the entire estate. Still they had not forgotten their father, they rarely talk about him now but whenever they do, they will jokingly spectuate where his whereabouts would be and how much even if they know they will not bother to look for that "useless" man. Nobody talks about their feelings for him much anyway.

Yee's children grew up and started working. They had pooled enough money to buy their own home and even a car now. Yee had moved out and started living with her 3 children in the new place but often return to her mother's to care for her and also to spend time with her siblings. Yee sliently fear that the history of being left behind will come again, after all her children are all grown and dating now. One day they will be married and would want to live on their own; when that day come should she be happy that they are all well and able or would she be sad that she will be all alone again?

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life is an endless mystery waiting to be reveal
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* this story is inspired by a wonderful and strong woman. lets all salute her for her never say 'die' spirit!

pls pardon any form of typo, grammer and spelling mistake.

short stories

dropping all those pretty skirting around... i realised that i am not a airy fairy person therefore my stories will be short. =)