unfulfilled love
karen was 16 yr old when she got to know thomas. they were schoolmates. thomas was 3 yrs her senior and was a street gangster. he provided karen the glamour and the attention any girl who die for. thomas was the 2nd man in his gang and was highly esteemed as being ruthless and fast. riding on that fame karen was feared by every person in school. their relationship was filled with excitment, karen was trying out new things that she never knew existed. but sadly it ended after 6 months. it ended the karen announced the pressence of baby thomas.
ditched, rejected by peers and the society; this underage mummy had nowhere to turn to but to return to her parents. karen's parents were so heartbroken by her that her dad when in a massive heart attack and had to be hospitalised. extended family came to know of karen's situation when they visited her dad in the hospital. some threaten to call the police to get thomas nabbed for raping karen other offered advise that karen should abort the baby. karen was way too immature and confused to understand the impact of the decision she has to make. instead of thinking it through, karen resorted to drowning her problem with drugs and liquor.
time passed quickly and soon the baby was 26 week old. it was too late for karen to opt for any abortion. as the tummy bulges karen finally realised that the problem is here to stay. karen was referred to a halfway home for unwed mummies and she agreed to put her child up for adoption, since she was unable to care for it. no matter how much karen wanted to hate the baby for ruining her relationship with thomas, she can't. whenever the baby kick karen, she will giggly rebuke it and stroke her tummy. sometime when karen wakes up in the middle of the night with a craving for ice-cream, she will walk around the dormitory and sing to her baby, apologising to it that she is unable to fulfill it's craving because mummy wasn't allow to leave the compound at night.
just as karen thought her troubles are settled, her doctor diagnosed her with a diabetic condition induced by her pregancy. karen's legs were swollen and her blood pressure was climbing too high for safety. karen was scare and she felt she was cursed with all the bad luck the world has to offer. for the good of karen and her baby the nun running the halfway house, kept her in bed all the time and restricted her diet. keeping a 16 yr old in bed was a terrible idea! karen kept sneaking out of bed to join her other friends for games and activities. it seems alright to karen til she black-out in the field 1 day. she was rushed in the hospital. she was told that she could had die there and then and her baby would had died with her too. karen was pertifed. from then on she followed all the instructions that were given to her.
during a routine check up. the doctor realised a slight abnormality in karen's baby. a detailed check was conducted and results showed that the baby was not only down syndrome but malformed. karen's world came crushing down. the nuns counselled karen and convinced karen to be strong for the baby. karen found new faith and pressed on. however as there were nobody who was willingly to adopt karen's baby, karen begged her parents to allow her to raise her baby on her own. her parents relented and so was it.
after the birth of karen's baby, whom she called Jay (simply because she was a fan of Jay Chou). karen found a job in the departmental store as a salegirl. her monthly pay of $900 was barely enough to pay for her own expenses! thus all the expenses fell as a burden on karen's parents. karen did play her role as a mummy well by taking care of the baby. however as years passed, Jay's missing fingers and toes and his down syndrome began to overshadow his development. at the age of 2 Jay was still only able to lay on his back and cry for help. he was unable to speak and even crawl. karen then tired by work and caring for baby Jay had virtually no social life. she would envy her ex-classmates for the being able to catch the latest movie, hang out together at night and have class gathering of sort. karen's life was only filled with frusration and weariness.
1 day while working karen saw thomas walking into the store with a lady wrapped around his arm. the lady was barely dressed, her mini-skirt was so short that it could barely cover her bum and her blouse was so translucent that her breast were literally in full view for everyone to see. just as karen turned to walk away from them, thomas called out "hey you! come here. which is the latest design for the handbag huh?" karen wanted to pretend she didn't hear him call but her boss steal a glance at her and karen put on a forced smile, turned and faced thomas. "sir, may i recommend this design to you and your partner." thomas did not recongised karen out immediately, maybe she had aged beyond her years? after a few 10s of minutes thomas finally spend $3000 on buying the handbag for his partner. with redden eyes karen handed the purchase to thomas and said "if only you were so generous to me and your baby. life would be so much better for us." at that moment thomas seems to remember karen but before he could say anything his partner was already whinning for thomas to buy her a pair of shoes from another shop. thomas left.
that night karen kept herself in her room and spoke to no-one. she did not even bother to check on baby Jay when he cries. she just sat there on her bed. the next day, karen left her house early and took a long ride on the bus to work. it was there she bumped into johan. johan was the only person who offered up his seat for her in that crowded bus. coincidentally johan was to be karen's new store-manager. their relationship slowly build up from trusty friends to caring couple. scarred by her previous experience, karen never told johan of her baby Jay.
johan finally popped the question "will you marry me?" karen was overwhelmed but worried that johan will never love her as much if she told him of baby Jay and his condition. karen hinted to johan that she had friend was in such and such a situation... (exactly like hers) will he still love her and accept her. johan laughed and replied it is the problem of karen's friend not theirs to worry so why worry? plus it is too way out of the world to happen to him. pressed for a fst reply johan said "if that really happens to me then i will be the 1st run-away groom in history! hahaha" karen was taken aback but kept her cool.
that night karen thought of ways to convince her parents to adopt Jay so as to pass him off as her brother rather than her son. but before she could, a loud thump was heard. as she rush into the kitchen karen saw her mom lying on the floor motionless. upon admitted into the hospital the doctor confirmed that karen's mom was had a massive stroke and it had left her totally paralysed. karen's dad health who had been very weak ever since his heart attack sank into depression. karen now having to care for her parents and her baby was too pre-occupied to think of johan's marriage proposal. it was at this time thomas reappeared before her, in the hospital.
thomas had suffered a few cuts on his arm during a fight was sent into the hospital but fate had it so that karen would bump into thomas. emotionally drained and tired, karen poured her woes to thomas and fell into thomas arms crying. only thomas can understand her now, because between them there was no secerets that karen has to carefully conceal up. thomas offered to help, maybe it was the tiredness that overcame karen's logic, she accepted his offer.
without a reason, karen left her old job and halt all contact she had with johan. karen and Jay moved into another apartment that thomas had prepared for them. karen's parents were sent to a great nursing home with all expenses paid for by thomas. karen did not ask where did thomas get all those money, she only wanted to enjoy this current sense of happiness.
3 weeks after that, thomas was arrested by the police for drugs trafficking. karen was once again abandoned only this time she had nobody to run to for help and comfort. as she carried Jay in her arms eating a big tub of 'ben & jerry' ice-cream, she said "Jay, mummy is useless. when your were an infant, you craved for ice-cream but mummy wasn't able to satisfy you. now you are here, physically with me but i have no idea what you really crave for." as tears rolled down her cheeks, karen recalled the difficulties she had been through til now, she realised that its time. its time for such suffering to stop. karen stood up, still carrying Jay in her arms, she walked in a daze towards the door. wore her favourite and most expensive shoes (worth ~$70) and step onto the street. it was not her intention to end her life nor her baby's but a truck came speeding out of nowhere and hit straight into karen and Jay. their bodies was so badly smashed that it was beyond recognition. as if it was pre-planned, karen parents' hearts stopped at the same time.
a life barely 20 of years had suffered what a person who had lived til 80 might never experience all her life....
ditched, rejected by peers and the society; this underage mummy had nowhere to turn to but to return to her parents. karen's parents were so heartbroken by her that her dad when in a massive heart attack and had to be hospitalised. extended family came to know of karen's situation when they visited her dad in the hospital. some threaten to call the police to get thomas nabbed for raping karen other offered advise that karen should abort the baby. karen was way too immature and confused to understand the impact of the decision she has to make. instead of thinking it through, karen resorted to drowning her problem with drugs and liquor.
time passed quickly and soon the baby was 26 week old. it was too late for karen to opt for any abortion. as the tummy bulges karen finally realised that the problem is here to stay. karen was referred to a halfway home for unwed mummies and she agreed to put her child up for adoption, since she was unable to care for it. no matter how much karen wanted to hate the baby for ruining her relationship with thomas, she can't. whenever the baby kick karen, she will giggly rebuke it and stroke her tummy. sometime when karen wakes up in the middle of the night with a craving for ice-cream, she will walk around the dormitory and sing to her baby, apologising to it that she is unable to fulfill it's craving because mummy wasn't allow to leave the compound at night.
just as karen thought her troubles are settled, her doctor diagnosed her with a diabetic condition induced by her pregancy. karen's legs were swollen and her blood pressure was climbing too high for safety. karen was scare and she felt she was cursed with all the bad luck the world has to offer. for the good of karen and her baby the nun running the halfway house, kept her in bed all the time and restricted her diet. keeping a 16 yr old in bed was a terrible idea! karen kept sneaking out of bed to join her other friends for games and activities. it seems alright to karen til she black-out in the field 1 day. she was rushed in the hospital. she was told that she could had die there and then and her baby would had died with her too. karen was pertifed. from then on she followed all the instructions that were given to her.
during a routine check up. the doctor realised a slight abnormality in karen's baby. a detailed check was conducted and results showed that the baby was not only down syndrome but malformed. karen's world came crushing down. the nuns counselled karen and convinced karen to be strong for the baby. karen found new faith and pressed on. however as there were nobody who was willingly to adopt karen's baby, karen begged her parents to allow her to raise her baby on her own. her parents relented and so was it.
after the birth of karen's baby, whom she called Jay (simply because she was a fan of Jay Chou). karen found a job in the departmental store as a salegirl. her monthly pay of $900 was barely enough to pay for her own expenses! thus all the expenses fell as a burden on karen's parents. karen did play her role as a mummy well by taking care of the baby. however as years passed, Jay's missing fingers and toes and his down syndrome began to overshadow his development. at the age of 2 Jay was still only able to lay on his back and cry for help. he was unable to speak and even crawl. karen then tired by work and caring for baby Jay had virtually no social life. she would envy her ex-classmates for the being able to catch the latest movie, hang out together at night and have class gathering of sort. karen's life was only filled with frusration and weariness.
1 day while working karen saw thomas walking into the store with a lady wrapped around his arm. the lady was barely dressed, her mini-skirt was so short that it could barely cover her bum and her blouse was so translucent that her breast were literally in full view for everyone to see. just as karen turned to walk away from them, thomas called out "hey you! come here. which is the latest design for the handbag huh?" karen wanted to pretend she didn't hear him call but her boss steal a glance at her and karen put on a forced smile, turned and faced thomas. "sir, may i recommend this design to you and your partner." thomas did not recongised karen out immediately, maybe she had aged beyond her years? after a few 10s of minutes thomas finally spend $3000 on buying the handbag for his partner. with redden eyes karen handed the purchase to thomas and said "if only you were so generous to me and your baby. life would be so much better for us." at that moment thomas seems to remember karen but before he could say anything his partner was already whinning for thomas to buy her a pair of shoes from another shop. thomas left.
that night karen kept herself in her room and spoke to no-one. she did not even bother to check on baby Jay when he cries. she just sat there on her bed. the next day, karen left her house early and took a long ride on the bus to work. it was there she bumped into johan. johan was the only person who offered up his seat for her in that crowded bus. coincidentally johan was to be karen's new store-manager. their relationship slowly build up from trusty friends to caring couple. scarred by her previous experience, karen never told johan of her baby Jay.
johan finally popped the question "will you marry me?" karen was overwhelmed but worried that johan will never love her as much if she told him of baby Jay and his condition. karen hinted to johan that she had friend was in such and such a situation... (exactly like hers) will he still love her and accept her. johan laughed and replied it is the problem of karen's friend not theirs to worry so why worry? plus it is too way out of the world to happen to him. pressed for a fst reply johan said "if that really happens to me then i will be the 1st run-away groom in history! hahaha" karen was taken aback but kept her cool.
that night karen thought of ways to convince her parents to adopt Jay so as to pass him off as her brother rather than her son. but before she could, a loud thump was heard. as she rush into the kitchen karen saw her mom lying on the floor motionless. upon admitted into the hospital the doctor confirmed that karen's mom was had a massive stroke and it had left her totally paralysed. karen's dad health who had been very weak ever since his heart attack sank into depression. karen now having to care for her parents and her baby was too pre-occupied to think of johan's marriage proposal. it was at this time thomas reappeared before her, in the hospital.
thomas had suffered a few cuts on his arm during a fight was sent into the hospital but fate had it so that karen would bump into thomas. emotionally drained and tired, karen poured her woes to thomas and fell into thomas arms crying. only thomas can understand her now, because between them there was no secerets that karen has to carefully conceal up. thomas offered to help, maybe it was the tiredness that overcame karen's logic, she accepted his offer.
without a reason, karen left her old job and halt all contact she had with johan. karen and Jay moved into another apartment that thomas had prepared for them. karen's parents were sent to a great nursing home with all expenses paid for by thomas. karen did not ask where did thomas get all those money, she only wanted to enjoy this current sense of happiness.
3 weeks after that, thomas was arrested by the police for drugs trafficking. karen was once again abandoned only this time she had nobody to run to for help and comfort. as she carried Jay in her arms eating a big tub of 'ben & jerry' ice-cream, she said "Jay, mummy is useless. when your were an infant, you craved for ice-cream but mummy wasn't able to satisfy you. now you are here, physically with me but i have no idea what you really crave for." as tears rolled down her cheeks, karen recalled the difficulties she had been through til now, she realised that its time. its time for such suffering to stop. karen stood up, still carrying Jay in her arms, she walked in a daze towards the door. wore her favourite and most expensive shoes (worth ~$70) and step onto the street. it was not her intention to end her life nor her baby's but a truck came speeding out of nowhere and hit straight into karen and Jay. their bodies was so badly smashed that it was beyond recognition. as if it was pre-planned, karen parents' hearts stopped at the same time.
a life barely 20 of years had suffered what a person who had lived til 80 might never experience all her life....
posted by estlxlan at
8:53 pm
2 Comments:
A very touching story, sadly, I believe such phenomenon is apparent in Singapore. Many young girls do things out of folly, the society just refuse to forgive. But, it is also these challenging events in their lives that makes them a stronger person. :)
I enjoy reading your blog. It's all beautifully written. Cheers.
By
Anonymous, at 12:45 pm
thanks ashe =)
By
estlxlan, at 12:11 am
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